In
the 1980s and 1990s many communities struggled to retain their red telephone
boxes as British Telecom did their best to replace them with modern glass and
steel booths. Those that survived are now seen as a part of the historic
landscape, but very few now have telephones inside. The box in our village does
because we have no reliable mobile phone signal, but in neighbouring Melmerby
the box has been converted into a community library.
Of
course, it is not a proper library with computers, dvd players, specialist
support services, and areas set aside for a range of community groups, with cheerful
librarians failing to get to grips with barcode scanners. No, this is a library
with shelves of books, albeit one that holds less than a hundred, and into
which only one person can enter at a time. The Melmerby phone box library is an
heroically archaic idea, but it is cramped, so if you have brought the wrong
glasses with you, you can’t take a step back to read the spines of the books.
When
I visited earlier today, the shelves were the usual mix that would cause any professional
librarian to have a panic attack. With a casual disregard of the Dewey Decimal
System, there were cookery books, religious texts, self-help manuals, thrillers
and romances, many of which seemed to have survived at least two divorces, a
fire and a flood. In its time, the shelves have been tainted by the various
hagiographies of the now discredited Lance Armstrong, and the less than
literary works of Russell Brand and Jordan. But I am not a complete snob; I was
delighted to see there were still books by Barbara Taylor Bradford, James
Clavell and Jane Fonda.
I
know our neighbour Edgar uses the phone box library; he recently donated
several novels that had been shortlisted for the Booker Prize. This struck me
as both generous and faintly intimidating. I half suspect he also slipped in an
early printing of Richard Powers’s The
Overstory as well, a book so big each copy must account for a tree in
itself. It was next to a colossal fantasy novel by Chaz Brenchley that occupied
most of a shelf by itself, the way a large cat can monopolise an armchair. It
seems to be smugly aware that it was even bigger than The Overstory, even if it never had the same critical reception, or
sold as well. Somehow, I am sure this wasn’t donated by Edgar.
Local
people obviously supply the telephone box library, although I suspect that holidaymakers
in the area probably contribute to the stock. People arrive for a week with
three novels, read half of one during a rainstorm, and then deposit the
remainder in the telephone box as though it were a literary compost heap. Last
year, I discovered a small, old, French-language edition of The Devil in the Flesh by Raymond
Radiguet, and at first I was rather struck by the idea that such a book had
travelled all the way to a village phone box in the Dales. Then I realised that
if it had been left by a French tourist, they had decided they couldn’t be
bothered to take it back home with them.
The
lack of order in the phone box is a part of the charm. Immediately inside the
door there are three books shelved with the look of people forced, unwillingly
to share a bus seat. I am intrigued by how a book on the Bhagavad-Gita and another on the Lost Art of Scripture can have a slim volume entitled The Sacred Neuron shelved in between
them. The arrangement made me feel as though I had stumbled into a Radio Four debate.
Very close to these, on the same shelf, were three Colin Forbes novels. Someone had bound them together in string with
a note in careful handwriting attached:
Old Books but a very good read. Enjoy x
I
appreciate the optimism of the ‘x’. It suggests the writer believes the next
reader may be a close friend rather than, say, a wet walker seeking shelter.
However, what that wet walker might really need is at least one good thriller
to pass a few hours until the rain stops.
Right
beside the Forbes novels sits Sartre’s Iron
in the Soul trilogy, which has not been tied with string nor endorsed with
affectionate punctuation. No one has written:
Very
cheerful read. Enjoy x
Elsewhere,
the juxtapositions become more surreal: Terry Wogan’s autobiography leans
companionably against The Gardening Year,
and next on the shelf, like a guest nobody quite remembers inviting, is a
well-thumbed copy of Foucault’s Pendulum.
The three books together create a small cultural sandwich: Irish broadcasting
legend, seasonal horticultural advice, and a 600-page Italian conspiracy novel
which may or may not be a comedy.
Then
there is the science-fiction section, which appears to consist of exactly one Star Wars omnibus placed next to a book
called Fleeing Isis. I don’t know if
this is deliberate or if the phone box simply has an ‘all rebellions welcome’
policy.
While
browsing I was alone, though not unobserved. A tractor passed slowly along the
road, its driver giving me the sort of look usually reserved for people who
might be up to no good. More unsettling were the cows in the adjacent field; they
gathered along the stone wall and watched me with quiet interest, as though
waiting to see if I would give them access to this literary cornucopia.
I
have contributed to the phone box myself. Some years ago I placed several
Tartarus Press volumes inside, feeling momentarily noble. Unfortunately winter
arrived, bringing with it the sort of damp that used to make traditional telephone
directories bloat. Tartarus dust jackets are not laminated, so when I returned a
month later, they had begun to develop delicate constellations of furry mould.
I
also left a copy of my own magnum opus Fifty
Forgotten Books. I was pleased to see that it was soon snapped up, and I
was feeling quite pleased with myself, not that telephone box library loans
mean I can claim anything from the Public Lending Rights office. I like to
think that Fifty Forgotten Books
ought to be a book anyone would want to keep, but I later noticed the borrower
felt obliged to return it.
Of
course, I haunt the telephone box library, because, occasionally, treasures do
appear. I found novels by Margaret Atwood and Douglas Coupland, there, a great
book on The Craft of Literary Biography,
and quite a few Peanuts paperbacks. My most recent discovery was a copy of
Graham Greene’s The Confidential Agent.
I read it with a growing appreciation of the author’s craft until I reached the
final scene, which was so startlingly bad that I had to check whether the last page
had been replaced by a substitute from the novelisation of a 1980s James Bond
film starring Roger Moore.
What
I like most about the Melmerby telephone box library is that every book in it raises
questions about who donated the books, and why? Was my game-dealing neighbour
once a fan of Penny Vincenzi? Did the farmer who lives opposite us enjoy
origami? Of course, as with The Devil in
the Flesh, I have to ask these questions in the past tense because they are
obviously no longer wanted. But, who, locally, thought anybody else would be
interested in a 1970s Pontefract bus timetable?
Red
telephone boxes were once as indispensible as we now regard mobile phones and the
internet, but today the box in Melmerby has another role. It hosts strange
negotiations between readers who might only ever meet by chance: the cook who
trades a book of casserole recipes for Sartre, the French holidaymaker who
abandons a classic of their own literature for the biography of Terry Wogan,
the mysterious person who ties together three Colin Forbes novels like a
literary bouquet.
You
step inside for a moment, browse a little while the cows watch and tractors
pass, and the discoloured Perspex of the windows rattle with the passing shower
. . . and you leave with something unexpected. It is, in its own small way, the
most perfect library imaginable.
(R.B. Russell)